With ‘Gulal’ reaching completion and “shaping up really well,” as Anurag Kashyap puts it, the writer-director is gearing up for his next - Vishal Bhardwaj’s ‘No Smoking Please’, which sources say backs the anti-smoking cause.

A source informs that the story, though fiction, explores the anti-smoking mafia in the craziest manner. Much like the Kashyap-written ‘Satya’, ‘No Smoking Please’ too will capture Mumbai at its best.

“The film is about these anti-smoking gangs which go on a killing spree. They hate smoking, are maniacs and are ready to take lives. But it’s all explained in a comical way. John loved the script, while Anurag wants Mr Amitabh Bachchan for another parallel role,” discloses the source.

Abraham confirms, “‘No Smoking Please’ has an extra-ordinary script. Anurag’s work in ‘Paanch’ and ‘Black Friday’ was fantastic. He’s an extremely talented director.” Adds Kashyap, “The script is a dark comedy. Like my earlier films, it will draw a lot from real life. It’s a crazy film,” is all he will reveal at this point.

It all started eight years ago when i was shooting for SATYA that Ramu told me a story about a chain smoker who gets into trouble with someone who hates smoking( a variation of which he shot in DARNA MANA HAI)..that sparked off an idea..which Ramu instantly laughed and scoffed at..i thought there was something in there but i didn’t know what..i toyed with it for long..had something roughly there but it was too much like THE GAME..after PAANCH got banned i was desperate to make a film..Paanch had a good buzz..there were producers who wanted me to make films for them..i met Boney Kapoor ,narrated him the incomplete idea which was then called, Cigarette smoking is injurious to health..He point blank, told me ,”Go back to the planet you came from”..every one thought it was weird, but none of them knew irreverence..

Kaykay loved the idea..only thing he said was that it’s incomplete(how much i love that man)..i almost gave up on it, till RAJA CHAUDHARY..my assistant in black friday and my lead actor in GULAL(some body even suggested we were probably sleeping together)..him off all the people, while playing squash said he has written a script for a short film on a chain smoker who wakes up one morning without a smoke and there is a curfew outside..he wanted me to act as the character..what a fantastic idea..i agreed to do the role on the condition that i am going to use his short to complete my incomplete script..we made the short..it didn’t work..Raja was a better actor and a writer than he was the filmmaker..i took his short and completed the treatment..

Six months later i was at mariott with my producer friend nilesh dadhich and vinny mitra the director of MERIDIAN and while showing off how weird one can get i narrated my script..i improvised spontaneously..they loved it ,i loved narrating it ..it felt complete..it was on..but it was costly ,nilesh told me .. we need a star.. i said no one but kaykay..i went to london the following month..we were showing Black Friday at BITE THE MANGO in Bradford..nilesh asked me to look up his partner Angad Paul(LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING BARRELS) and narrate him the script..i did..he said its too weird,needs a star..get shahrukh..i decided to f*** it ..i am not going without kaykay..then the worst period of my life started..Black Friday got stuck..couldn’t get money for gulaal..i started drinking again..nivi (kaykay’s wife) told me stop thinking about everyone..try and get a release first,get a star ,make a movie, kaykay will understand..i went to SRK..

Now there is a history i share with SRK..we went to the same college,we both played for the college hockey team,he was an astounding sportsman,hockey captain..i was the vice captain..but..four years apart from each other..i never went to him for anything using that card..this time i did..he claimed to have known me from delhi..or of me..he wasvery warm and kind and nice..he was growing his hair..Don had not yet started shooting..SRK loved or may be pretended to have loved the idea..he said ..”you are talented,why are you wasting yourself over such absurd films”..he said make this film after you are in a position to experiment..gave me the example of Black..i told him Black according to me was an exercise in vanity and megalomania..but circumstances were such that i was open to mainstream..i mentioned meeting him to Ritesh Sidhwani..i had done the hindi version of dialogues for Reema’s HONEYMOON TRAVELS PVT. LTD. which he was producing..Farhan and Zoya have always been a big support to me..emotionally and morally..one of the scripts written by zoya and reema was optioned by ritesh..he asked me would i like tolook at it..i looked at it..great idea..ritesh then asked me to develop it further with SRK in mind and he will produce it for me..i narrated my smoking story instead..he reacted exactly like others..i was losing confidence..in myself..in my story..i wanted a way out..i didn’t even have the courage to say i don’t want to do Zoya’s story..(haven’t said it till date)i just kept escaping them, kept escaping what started to look like my fate..then out of the blue i found finance for Gulaal..

we went to jaipur to shoot gulaal..meanwhile PAHELI got nominated for the OSCARS from india..i got a call from SRK..he needed help to campaign for paheli in the US..i put him on to CHRISTINA(the greek woman who holds the flag for the indian films in the heart of Hollywood) and NOEL..kept in touch with him(kind of)..then Gulaal was stopped midshoot because the money promised wasn’t realised..ah misery..my motherfucking jinxxx continued..life was being such a bitch..i had an anxiety attack..was flown to bombay..admitted..heart condition..broke..alcoholic..fucked..i called SRK..he said he will get back..i sms’d AAMIR..he said he will get back in march..i called on Jaideep Sahni..he was now with Yashraj..he tried to help..adi was too busy..i could have done anything at that moment..i didn’t know what to do..where to go..before the media found out that gulaal got stopped after finishing 80% of the shoot and the superstitious lot sealed my fate i had to get on to something..that’s when reports on WATER started to filter in..they were praising JOHN..like an oppurtunist of circumstances i called him..it was nine thirty in the morning after i drank all night..he asked me if i could meet him in next half an hour..i said yes..was fifteen minutes late..i knew he too would laugh at my smoking story..so i made up a story on the way to his house..

he heard my made up story and instantly hated it..he said tell me something more intelligent(he really said that)..i took a deep breath and told him the smoking story..he fucking loved it..i told him i have no producer..he said he will find me one..he spoke to UTV..they didn’t like it..too bizzarrre..i told him officially the story was still lying with SRK..he said until and unless SRK doesn’t let go of it ..i will amount to be a double crossing son of a bitch..i called SRK and told him i was going to someone else..he naturally assumed i was going to kaykay..he advised me again..i didn’t want to listen..my arrogance still probably was far greater than theirs..i still believed that if only my films would have come out, it would have been different..but then that arrogance was fucked with,fingered with..kicked out of all production offices inspite of john being unconditionally on board..

then i got a call from Vishal..he had seen my last seven years and still somehow had not lost faith..he asked me that would i like to make a film for him..”neki aur poochh poochh” ..i narrated him cigarette smoking is injurious to health..he loved it..finally..someone who truly loves films..he asked me to come to his set of omkaara the next day and narrate the script to Kumar Mangat..Now here is a man who looks like the most conventional producer in bombay bot he isn’t..he loved it too..his son loved it fucking three..i was on..they offered SAIF..i said JOHN..the man stood by me..i will like hell stand by him..they didn’t even argue..it was just me being defensive..they agreed and asked for a meeting..with john..they met..i waited for things to move..they had omkara to be busy with..negativity abound..i started thinking it won’t happen again..so before they could tell me it was all a mistake..i left the country..escaped to LA..thats when i met OZ..hung out in NEWYORK.. walked the streets..till i got a call from kumar mangat and vishal asking me when am i coming back to india as they have signed john..WHOOOO..it was happening..now everyone wanted the whole script which was only in my head and as a thirty page treatment on paper..

so i wrote for next three days ..met john in NEWYORK..saw united 93 together..came back and found everyone busy with omkara..negativity..when you have been fucked so many times in life,you tend not to believe anyone or anything..that’s how i was..i left again, this time for rishikesh..almost making those lose faith in me who were the only ones in this miserable place to trust me..somehow..good sense prevailed..and the only change they asked me to do was to change its name to NO SMOKING..

thats the story of this film and that’s how i have JOHN ABRAHAM..today we saw BARTON FINK together..and he is going to rock..and the grip is on too..now..whoever said that you are never going to fail unless you try also said that reality is the place where the pizza delivery man comes from..cheers guys..now only if Scorcese could smile on me..

I am so scared..i feel like i don’t know anything..three days to go and we don’t have an actress..ayesha takia or priyanka chopra..paresh rawal or irfan khan..god knows..irfan is not available before he is done with a mighty heart..i hope raj kumar santoshi doesn’t ditch us..will be great to have him act in the film..we have locked john abraham, ranveer shorey,aditya basu bhattacharya,joy fernandes..i hope i survive the mainstream..how much i want to go back to making completely independent films..i don’t know whether we will be able to pull of the special effects..gulzar sahab has written two cigarette songs ,four more to go..have to get the rights to the old songs..wish black friday releases soon..more freedom..have promised rajkumar(my associate) if we pull this one off,i will get him laid..i have to go meet john..have to show him all the coen brother’s films..especially big lebowski, barton fink and raising arizona..matthew robbins(sugarland express) says john has to be willing to play the fool..,”you need a jim carrey anurag to pull this off”..john is willing to go the whole hog..he is ready to be broken down..lets see.. have to meet the grip guy..have to get him to cut down on his price..or i will have to make do with what i have and innovate..how will i do it..why can’t we have other people to do the dirty job..who the f*** asked me to write this film..Oh Scorcese..give me strength..

First promo of No Smoking has been on youtube for a few days now, just watched it today;

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GiFHGngB8p4

...this is looking good. Something to look forward to

Ali