Montages
Uma Ajmera
Her name unspools a montage of images. The firebrand, the elfin charm, that enchanting combo of innocence and oomph - nothing’s changed. When you reach her home at Usha Kiran (Carmichael Road), that spontaneous smile greets you with the same old sauciness, “I live life on my termsâ€. Her career is a testimony of this philosophy. From the rebel star to the untraditional mother, Tanuja has come a full circle in the new avtaar of a grandmother. The fire has made way for a mellow flame as she settles in her spacious living room for a soul searching, heartfelt, tete-a-tete as she talks about love, life and mother-daughter bonding!
“I firmly believe that marriage is a responsibility, not merely moonlight romancing. I have been in love and am still in love with my husband, even though we separated years ago. I cannot be in a situation simply because it is convenient. For me, it is more important that a relationship culminates in a long-time companionship. Shomu has always been a part of me and my children’s life and both of us have been the weft and warp of parenting our kids - Kajol and Tanisha. Shomu and Kajol, particularly share a special bond as both believe in the common mantra of talking things over. Of the two of us, I have been the more disciplinarian type! As a child, Kajol was a brat and I think I must have spanked her with everything I could lay my hands on, - from a book to a badminton racquet! [laughs] Unfortunately, I have always been one up on my kids as I saw through every trick they tried!
Yet, our relationship was based on equality and responsibility. I wanted my children to grow up to comprehend their individual mindset and act accordingly. Values are important and the one rule etched out was “Never lieâ€. I believed in making them accountable for their actions, so that they understood the importance of responsibility. I taught them to dream, but to dream with feet firmly planted on the ground. Undoubtedly, the task of raising daughters is fraught with challenges - as it is also about diets, bare midriffs, surviving adolescence and moral responsibility.
“Finally, it is being comfortable with your own “body and beingâ€. And I hope I have given that to my kids! Kajol’s off-screen presence has often been bespectacled, oiled hair, with eyebrows that connect and even sometimes a midriff that bulged... simply because she has never been paranoid about putting up a presence! This is the “healthy body†image where there is enough room in one’s self-image and esteem for having a pimple, or illness or even aging. One powerful thing I learnt from my mother and passed on to my children was to pay attention to both the mind and the body! I believe in the family connection. At its best, family is the home, we carry inside us, a haven in the troubled world. And even at its most trying, family still helps us, expanding our capacity for tolerance and escorting us into new realms of understanding. I would be a fool to say, that I had it easy with my kids.
“But, through years of difficult understanding, I have learnt that “communication†is the key! Communication is like a dance. One person takes a step forward, the other takes one back. One misstep can land both on the floor in a tangle of confusion. That is the perfect moment to rise to your feet and get clear about the next move - to gently say to the other dancer - ‘what do you really want here?’ I’ve been doing this for many years asking Kajol and Tanisha at every step and believe me, it works! Today, when I am face-to-face with my children, I whisper the three magic words - “I hear youâ€! Of course, it does not mean that we have stopped arguing. We still scream and shout throwing arrows of words at each other. It simply means sorting out and talking out our disappointments and hurt and all of the other warts and bumps of being human! Rules - Pyaar Ka Super Hit Formula- means that love is greater than etiquette or obligation. In fact, the rules for family life come from the heart as well as the head. I am very happy about Kajol’s professional success and the fact that she has been able to successfully balance her marriage, career and motherhood.
I quit acting for a while, because there came a time when I was only offered stereo-type roles. Cinema is my passion, but the role has to stimulate me enough to say ‘yes’! I enjoyed doing Bhoot and Rules.... Our lives shift, dazzle and appall and often, amidst all this uncertainty, we all have to find our personal truth! I am not ritualistic in my spiritual search, but somewhere down the line, I’ve made friends with my inner-self and learnt to listen to all its whispers, warnings and advices. I’ve never been one of those people who try to engineer the future. I just go with life’s flow. I believe that the natural order of human life is determined by its ebb and flow - you just have to wait your turn and ride each wave! Keep moving… full speed ahead!! To me success is a debatable term. My kids had an unconventional yet a no-nonsense upbringing. I am privileged that despite the freedom granted to them, they have grown up to be such beautiful individuals!â€
She’s never walked the mild side - but there’s a “quiet†about her today, a hauteur - a swagger that can be mistaken for arrogance, till you realize that she prefers to keep a low profile... hates talking about herself especially to the press! Love is in the air - as grandma’s sound of music is little Nysa’s baby talk and Kajol’s “Mom, I need you!â€
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